On Being a Stay at Home Mom

My friend is in the stake relief society presidency of a bunch of singles wards at BYU. She asked me to write up a little something about what I enjoy about being a stay at home mom, and what advice I would give them about what they can do now to prepare for this role. Here is what I wrote back. I’d love to hear any comments that you have on it.

I am the mother of one daughter, who just had her first birthday. I graduated from BYU with a bachelor’s in computer science. Some may think that I’m wasting my degree by staying home, but I’d like to share some things about what I’ve enjoyed from it

Getting her to smile or laugh. Figuring out that building stacking cups would get her to do her first crawls. Watching her attempt to walk. Discovering new teeth. Teaching her how to build a tower. Cuddling her as she falls asleep. Learning about her personality. Playing peekaboo. Reading books. Watching her learn as she explores. Feeding her new foods. There’s lots of little things that make all the sleepless nights, messes, and sacrifices worth it.

For those looking forward to this stage in life, I have a couple pieces of advice.

Find and develop a talent. At times, it feels like life involves nothing more than cleaning up one mess after another, and that gets me down. Other times, I’m bored just sitting around the house. I found I am most happy when I can do something creative each day. Usually, I work on writing stories, a little bit at a time. For others, it’s sewing, cooking, gardening, painting, playing piano, the list goes on and on. Doing this helps me to feel like I’m not just defined by my role as Mother. As nice a role as it is, I occasionally need to wear another hat.

Learn how to judge. There are many, many ways of doing everything in parenthood, and it seems like everybody has some advice to offer, and many times, it contradicts. So, you need to figure out who you’re going to follow. And if you see someone parenting in a way that you don’t agree with, don’t condemn them. They probably have a reason for doing it that way. You can learn wisdom from listening to their side. And if you see a child acting up, don’t be so hasty to blame the parents. There are some kids that will be rebellious no matter how you try to raise them.

Don’t always be looking to the future. This year has gone by fast, and it’s had lots of changes. I can’t go back to the stage where she slept all the time, or was content to be carried all day. So enjoy what you have while you have it, or you’ll miss it entirely. That includes the days that you are single or married without children.